Epiphanies

The time has gone SO FAST.  Its three sleeps before the surgery.  I’m not ready for Christmas, I’m not ready at work, I’m not ready to be away, I’m not DONE.  Too bad, time’s almost up.  

The closer it gets the more I see deep meaning in the things around me.  Such as these:   

Sudden Intuitive Realization #1:  Did you ever think that liposuction wasn’t worth the effort because of the 8% of body weight restriction???  I always dismissed it as a sucky, stupid, pointless surgery because who would bother with an anaesthetic just  to have 8.4 lbs of fat sucked out.  Just get off your ass and lose the 8.4 lbs. It was pointed out to me this evening that most people weigh more than 105 lbs.  Mind-bending huh Thumper?   I’m struggling a bit to absorb it, but apparently far more people weigh 150 lbs and could have 12 pounds of fat sucked out, more again weigh 200 lbs could have 16 pounds of fat sucked out...on it goes.  So essentially the fatter you are, the better off you are when it comes to liposuctionable volumes. 

It is vital that you not confuse fatbastardness as being based only on body weight, rather than the weight-to-frame ratio.  105 lbs on a small frame can be just as morbidly obese as 578 lbs can be on a large frame.  (YES IT CAN, SHUT UP).  I don’t discount lipo as a superior way of losing 8.4 lbs as a part of another surgery.  To me it would be pointless as a stand-alone but I will love my surgeon forever if he whips out a cannula and sucks 8.4 lbs of grotesque fat out of me while I’m cut open anyway. 

Think about it.  A pound of fat on our bodies is substantially similar to a pound of any other animal fat, like a pound of butter.  Except the pound of human fat would be a little bigger from lymph and blood supply.  Imagine stacking up 8.4 lbs of butter – pretty disgusting huh?  “But you’re not fat” certain of you will say.  You’d be kind of WRONG if the surgeon sucks out fat, n’est-ce pas? 

The Math, Updated:  Granted he might not, but just imagine that the surgeon liposuctions me (when you wish upon a star).  I’d be up 1.3 lbs worth of implants, but down say 5 lbs of skin and subcutaneous fat AND down 8.4 malevolent pounds of other fat.  It’d be a net loss of 12.1 pounds.  Stack up 12.1 pounds of mental butter?  You know I’d look a.m.a.z.i.n.g., don’t lie.

Sudden Intuitive Realization #2:  Post op depression is said to be tremendously common among whiners, all surgical aftercare instructions warn of it.  Usually it is associated with mobility restrictions, higher levels of pain / swelling / bruising than expected, a slower-than-anticipated recovery period, skewed surgical outcome expectations, body dysmorphic disorder and similar.  I RESPECTFULLY SUGGEST THAT THIS IS CRAP.  The real reason that people are depressed is because of the 4-week embargo on drinking and taking recreational street drugs.  There’d be no depression if people were partying Hoff style to celebrate their new bodies.  Bruising goes, swelling goes...what‘s to be depressed about?  Don’t expect any of that bitching and complaining from me.

Love, kisses, three sleeps.

CVK