Some of you might guess that one of my greatest unspoken surgical fears has been about lying around like a giant square-states superfattie for 6 long weeks of bloated laziness...gaining weight, losing muscle tone, developing ptosis, getting a hideous case of carb-face and a huge(r) lard ass. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
While the fear of being fat(ter) has twisted and slithered and grown in my belly, I've been vowing to limit the use of painkillers. As will be exhibited below, I can be a bit of a dumb b*tch.
I was picking up a lovely little box of tramacet today to supplement my happy oxycontin supply, when it occurred to me that:
a!) Schedule I narcotics are appetite suppressants. Exhibit: heroin addicts are generally not fat.
b!) Therefore, the very painkillers I was planning to diligently avoid are actually gold. Sorry, but the oxycontin party at my place is cancelled, this shit is weight loss nirvana. MINE.
c!) Double therefore, by snarfing opiates and staying nauseated for a month or so, perhaps I will LOSE weight rather than get fat(ter). Think about it. I could be one of those Enquirer headlines "I took oxycontin and lost 55 lbs of unsightly fat." Sweet.
How had I missed this??? And all this whining and fuss about oxycontin addiction...meh. Just a price to be paid. Note me down as a convert - pro-ana and pro-opiates forever.
(Disclaimer: this is a private blog intended to inform and amuse a small special interest group. I do not endorse the pro-ana movement, any specific pro-ana practice or any individual motivation site. Any such endorsements would be found at the sister blog site cybersatanstarvation. Find it and there'd be a prize)
Funny. But maybe it should be clarified that if you lost more than half your body weight (55 lbs) you'd be dead. I'm just saying.
ReplyDeleteYou'd also look pretty funny at half your weight with big boobs. Aside from the whole dead due to weightloss thing, that is.
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