Call me obsessive (as if you don't behind my back) :) but I am aware enough of weight to know that silicone gel for breast implants weighs 0.0375 ounces per cubic centimetre. And come ON. If you weighed as much as I do it would be a concern for you too. My implants will be 275 cc's, so lets do the math!
- 275 x 0.0357 = 10.3124 oz per side!!!
- 10.3124 x 2 = 20.625 oz for both. Yeek.
- 20.625 / 16 oz per lb = 1.2890625 lbs.
And you wonder why I used the picture of the fat cow as my before image?!? I am PAYING MONEY to GAIN 1.3 pounds. This is the equivalent of 4550 calories...ugh, its like entire deep fryers of nasty. Normally I'd rank suicide as a top-three option to deal with a weight gain of that magnitude.
But, there is a clever mitigation here. I may be adding 1.3 lbs of fake breast tissue, but the skin from my pubic bone to navel will be peeled like a grape and thrown away. Its hard to estimate the exact weight in skin and the HUGE amounts of attached subcutaneous fat, but it has to be substantial. I'm hoping it nets out to an overall loss, but I'd be okay even with a zero gain scenario. And if not, at least I have the fallback oxycontin weight loss solution of champions.
I'll be weighing the SECOND I can stand up, and promise one of my first reports will be on the gain / loss situation.
You fat cow, 1.3 lbs, that has to be something like 1.8% of your body weight. How can you stand it?
ReplyDeleteDo you want me to send over my fat clothing?
ReplyDeleteResponse to KKB: Pft, as if you ever had fat clothing. But even if you did, they couldn't possibly contain me!! Thanks for the offer though.
ReplyDeleteSo you lose two onces of fat in tha abdiminoplasty and gain 1.3 lbs in the breat implants and this makes sense. You must be an MBA student
ReplyDeleteYou'd better start dressing like a skank once this is over. I'm going to enforce that new dress code.
ReplyDeletePerhaps there is yet time to request inflatable breast implants. Instead of a silica filler these would contain nothing, but would have small pneumatic hoses attached and routed discreetly to a small dual function detachable pump / suction device. This way you could reduce the internal air pressure to near zero before stepping on the scale or when you don't want to wear a bra. Alternatively when in a skankier mood, as required by the dress code, you could inflate with air to 1 atmosphere pressure. And in an emergency, you could switch to hot air or helium and make a dramatic airborne escape by floating to safety. Be careful not to exceed the maximum pressure rating, of course, as you may place a dangerous structural load on the aforementioned bra.
ReplyDeleteResponse to Anonymous: Inflatables are a better idea even that the string implants that continued to grow forever. And the emergency "switch to hot air or helium and make a dramatic airborne escape" is nothing short of brilliant. Thank you. Have you ever considered a collaboration with the surgical industry? You'd be magic.
ReplyDeleteSigned,
YL&M
Foamy
Sorry, I don't think it would work out. I get queasy at the sight of blood and my head is always in The Cloud. Besides, I wouldn't want to be seen as promoting this sort of rampant self-modification. Normally I wouldn't condone such modifiication of natural beauty, but in this particular, specific case I make an exception only because you are so exceptional. For the post-procedure time frame, however, I recommend considering my poll response (and indeed the responses of numerous others). Obtaining an appropriately distorted full length mirror (or perhaps the equivalent in contact lenses) is a much cheaper, less painful, lower risk option.
ReplyDelete