You can see the Zeltiq coolsculpting website at http://www.coolsculpting.com/en-ca/for-me.cfm. I found it a bit disconcerting that they use Rachel Ray to promote the system...the woman cooks and eats all the time and is frankly a bit of a fat ass. Yet, if Zeltiq is the fat-removing laser that Dr. Boey choses to have in his practice then I trust its efficacy.
Here's the machine. The heart drawn on it is mine:
First, you get the most massive pair of paper shorts ever available on earth. They are HUGE. If anyone goes for Zeltiq and the shorts actually fit, you might want to try...say... 6 or 8 years of diet and exercise before getting started. I kept the shorts for an at-home photo after treatment because they were so massive. I'd just had a bath though and the mirror is steamy:
Wearing these styling shorts, the fat is measured and photos are taken. The amount of fat and the area of the body being treated dictates what size attachment is used to suck the tissue and fat up into the nozzle of the machine and to apply the freezing cold laser. Brrrrrr. Larger fat areas get a bigger attachment. Naturally I used the super-mambo-gigantica attachment, made specially by Zeltiq for people of my size and weight.
The treatment areas are shown here in a tremendously unflattering before picture. You can see why I need Zeltiq and all possible forms of cosmetic intervention. Yes, the iron bruising is still quite attractive, thank you all for noticing. DO NOT SAY THAT THE CIRCLED FLANK AREA IS NOT FAT YOU PACK OF GIANT LIARS. If I hear "skin not fat" another time Charlie Sheen and I will fight you in my octogon. My side fat is huge and you know it. But not for long. Yay Zeltiq. #tigerblood.
Once the photos are taken, a VERY cold wet treatment pad is applied to the skin area on one side, and then the machine is attached. The pad is genuinely the worst part of the whole process. Its really cold, like a wet ice pack applied to bare skin...you will jump a little, but the feeling goes away quickly. Then the machine is positioned and turned on, and it feels like your skin / fat are being sucked into a gigantic vacuum cleaner. I described it to some people yesterday as being in the super-grip of a very cold giant octopus. The machine feels chilly on the skin area, no doubt. It isn't remotely painful though. It's just kind of cold and kind of awkward and you have to sit for a while. But your fat cells are dying, so DUH...WORTH IT.
As I was having treatment on my gigantic muffin basket (other people might have a muffin top, mine is a muffin basket), the positioning is a bit awkward. You sit up in a treatment chair, padded with pillows, but it isn't easy to get totally comfortable for an hour-long sit with a large cold vacuum cleaner attached to your side fat. It isn't uncomfortable either, just bring a blackberry or ipad or sit and read some magazines. I had a coffee and entertained my beloved friends and family with a running Zeltiq commentary. And also some commentary on a product I found at the drugstore called Sphincterine, but back to that later.
Treatment lasts an hour per side. When the flesh is released from the giant grip of the super-sucking Zeltiq machine it feels cold and deadened, and then they massages it a bit. I forgot to ask why they massage it, but Dr. Boey's Jen is the Fat Killer so I know it does something valuable. The massage is a bit uncomfortable but nothing like the application of the cold pad.
The skin comes out reddened and cold, but not harmed in any way. Over the evening it continued to feel a little chilly and like the sensation was a little dulled. The feeling comes back...for some people it takes as long as two weeks. I'm a little bruised today, but not bad at all. I always sleep on one of those Warm Buddy microwave heat packs (yes, including in the summer...) but I was afraid last night to put it on my back in case the skin was temporarily deadened enough to not feel if it was too hot. Besides, I didn't want to risk the warmth letting any fat cells spring back to life from the throes of cryo-lipo-death.
It looks like the pics below this morning. A little reddened, a little swollen. It still feels a bit deadened, but nothing serious.
And yes, I know my ass is EPIC fat. I'm back to yoga but not to Barre and cardio yet until the abdominal muscles are fully healed. The iron bruising is ugly, but it will go away eventually. I thank Dr. Verma every day for fixing my anemia...a few butt bruises are a small price to pay.
WARNING: NAKED SCAR PHOTOS FOLLOW. DON'T READ PAST HERE IF THIS WILL BOTHER YOU, OR IF IT DOES, SHUT UP AND DON'T TELL ME ABOUT IT. YOU KNOW I WONT CARE ABOUT YOUR LITTLE OFFENDED FEELINGS. THIS IS A SURGERY BLOG.
Sooooo, lots of mentions of how long its been since I posted on the healing process. There just isn't much visual difference in the early months post-abdominoplasty. From 6 weeks to 3 or 4 months the changes are too small to notice photographically. I had a great photographer over Christmas too, but it would be kind of weird to ask everyone that comes to visit if they could take some scar pics for my blog. So, here's a few poor-quality ones I took myself this morning:
The one below looks a little chubbier than usual because the flank / waist area of my body is a bit swollen from being sucked into the Zeltiq machine yesterday. The breast-scars and abdominal countour are the purpose of these pics though. The breast scarring is healing much faster than I exepected even. Most of the swelling is gone from the stomach area now. It takes a full 6 months for it to be entirely gone...I'm still a little bit more swollen on the left side of the abdomen than the right.
This one shows the red / purple color of the abdominoplasty scar. For those that have followed closely, note how much it has smoothed / evened out over the last month, and how clean and neat the end is. The 'dog ear' part of the abdominoplasty close is really not a problem for me at all, at least not on this side. The bit of Zeltiq swelling is really quite clear in a picture this close, but it will be gone in a few days...I swell from anything.
Yesterday was a major day at Dr. Boey's though. After the Zeltiq I had laser hair removal in the bikini area. Eek. All the Arbutus Laser staff are angels though, and Julie the hair removal lady is no exception. I'm not insane enough to do bikini without EMLA freezing cream though. And when I was at the drugstore to buy EMLA, LOOK what I found right near the micropore tape:
Yes, it is Sphincterine ass-tringent. For a minty-fresh butt. Ummm...for what purpose would people want a minty fresh butt? There's even a website http://www.mintyass.com/. Naturally I had to buy it, as a few lucky members of Boxhead's family will soon be receiving a care package of Sphincterine in the mail.
Love you all darlings. This time I really will post updates in the next few weeks...probably at 2, 4, 6 and 8 weeks post Zeltiq. Its FAT MELTING...who wouldn't want to know.
Boxhead
wow. holy! I never realized you were so gigantically obese under your size "0" clothing!! Glad you're finally doing something about it ;) go go Boxhead!
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