Adventures in Botox-land

Today Boxhead went to the lovely Dr. Boey at Arbutus Laser Centre for botox and to pick up some of the many creams, lotions and potions necessary to keep my cardboard face supple and moisturized and healthy.  Here Dr Boey is protecting Boxhead from developing one of those nasty corrugated frown lines that is such a problem for boxes.  This may be Boxhead's first botox injection, but like surgery it assuredly won't be the last.

It will surprise few of you that Boxhead subscribes to the e-mail newsletters of all the top Canadian and US plastic surgeons.  I like to keep pace with new procedures, who is doing how many procedures combined into one, what new techniques are being introduced, etc.

Naturally, as a superfattie, the new Zerona weight loss laser is one (among the several options) that caught my eye in a recent newsletter.  I'm woman enough to admit I was wrong in my former approach to liposuction - I ADORE it.  Still, whereever its possible to lose some of the chubb in a closed, painless, non-surgical procedure, all the better, no?  There's just soooooo many surgical rules and lame protocols about how often a patient can have lipo and how much fat can be taken at a time...yawn.  Meanwhile, Zerona is used in conjunction with a medically-supervised supplement named "Curva" which they claim will collectively skim ugly fat deposits from the body and reveal its true shape!!!   I've always thought it would take an excavator to reveal Boxhead's true shape, but perhaps not.

It always amuses me when companies don't bother to do a basic word-search.  I google Curva to learn more, and the VERY FIRST THING I find is that curva is the Romanian word for slut.  Well, excellent! In Russian, it is the slightly more nuanced bitch-slut.  Regardless, if Curva works, Boxhead would have no qualms walking up to the pharmacist and asking for my prescription of Bitch-Slut without batting a botoxed eye.  If something helps in weight loss, call it anything other than Rachel Uchitel.  That would be going too far, even for fat liquefication.

Boxhead likes to have a mental image to associate with products.  A beloved and VERY brave reader took the risk of permanent mind scarring by searching "fat Romanian sluts" to find and give us this picture:

Even I will accept that I am slightly slimmer than this person.  Still, it is a nice image that will help to keep Curva top of mind for our next surgical visits.

No matter what Zerona / Bitch Slut or the range of other fat loss lasers out there might do for me, Boxhead is also impressed with the copycat products available on the internet.   You know there's some efficacy when there are copycats.  Without so much as a prescription OR the accompanying laser treatments, "Curva Trim" (look it up) promises a 3 pound per week weight loss PLUS clearer skin, larger, firmer breasts AND improved libido and sexual functioning, all for $39.95, or $100 for a multi-bottle supply.  3 pounds a week!!!!  How could we not believe in this?? And I could lose 10 lbs before I'm even allowed to go back to working out after the abdominoplasty.  Exciting, no?  At least as an alternative until more of you change your votes to vaser sculpting.

Love you Angels,

XOXO

Boxhead